What Hurts the Most
by crimeson-plasma
Summary: an onsided Near/Mello songfic. Mello has left Wammy's House and everything has changed, even the white-haired genious has. OOC Near.


My first Near/Mello fanfic! OOC Near and set after Mello leaves Wammy's House. I'm bored right now and I thought that I could use this song for a songfic. The song lyrics in _Italics _are supposed to be sung by Near. It is written from Near's POV.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or the song "What hurts the most"

* * *

I was staring at my just completed domino city. It was enormous, one of the biggest I had made. It occupied nearly all the playroom I used to be at all evening making puzzles and cities out of cards. I stared at the floor and couldn't evade thinking the thought that had infected my mind the last few weeks. "If Mello was here he would have kicked this down in few seconds" Was what I was thinking at that moment. I then, without thinking, started to sing.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, _

_that don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

I got up and walked through the streets of the domino city. I had been cautious enough to do that. It couldn't be actually be described as a city, it was more like a maze of domino buildings and streets.

_I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

Matt was playing with his Nintendo DS surrounded by the domino buildings that Near had created. He paused his game and tried to find the white figure in the black and white maze.

_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

I continued walking around the domino maze, now lost inside it. I looked at Matt, who was looking at me from the sofa. He looked thoughtful.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doing it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

Mello had gone away some weeks ago, when Roger had told us that L was dead. Wammy's House had changed since then. The white haired genius seemed to be sad, the football matches between the other kids were more rare now and a certain red haired boy had locked himself up and rarely talked to the other kids now.

_Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken_

Things were definitely boring now. Even Roger seemed bored now. "And Near has just broken down" Matt thought as he now got up, careful not to accidentally destroy the domino city. Matt left his DS on the sofa. "Another game beaten" He thought, bored.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

"Why did things have to turn out like this?" I asked myself. I knew the answer. It wasn't hard to discover. Mello hated me and I had ended up becoming L's successor. He had hated me even more for that "But I... I dodn't hate him. In fact I..." I thought.

_I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

Matt stared at Near, while lost in his own thoughts. "How could you even think that only the one who ended up being L's successor mattered Mello? Look at us now, this place has changed" Matt thought "You matter more than you ever thought to Near. You have broken him down, Mello" He said to a Mello that had been created by his mind.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

I fell down and hid a sob. The domino towers started to falling apart. "...I love you" I continued thinking.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

I got up and looked at the only remaining domino building in the room. I went towards it and kicked it with all my strength. Making the pieces shoot towards the wall that was in front of me. All the remains of the domino city were now scattered across the room. I then felt a single tear make its way across my right cheek. "Mello..." I thought again. I felt Matt's stare on me. "...But why?" I asked myself again.


End file.
